If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
