This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
