I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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