My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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