Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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