Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
