So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
