people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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