I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
