Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
