im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
