the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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