I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
