that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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