I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
