Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I understand Curling. That high.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
