Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
