hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
