we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
