don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
