My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
