Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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