Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
