He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
