My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
