just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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