I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
