i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
