Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
