Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
