I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
