hotel room ftw
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
