Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
