I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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