sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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