please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
