If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
