It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
there was a trapeze. enough said
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
