I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
