Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
