Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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