We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
