Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
