I'm really into asian looking animals
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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