I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
