I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
