why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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