What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
