is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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