I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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