idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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