genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
