Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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