apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
