Little spoons don't ask big questions
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
