The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
