i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
