I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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