if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It's just like the Real World with babies
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
